A conversation I had with my counselor.

Me: I want the pain to go away.
Counselor: What do mean?
Me: I would like it all to go away.
Counselor: On a scale of 1 to 10 how much do you want the pain to go away?
Me: 10.
Counselor: How would you make that happen?
Me: I would take lots of pills.
Counselor: What kind of pills do you have at home.
Me: I only have advil, but I know that won’t work.
Counselor: That is sad you know that won’t work.

That is sad… that I know what works and what doesn’t when it comes to suicide.

This is a conversation I had with my counselor. I was talking about suicide. A girl said to me once: I am jealous how much you smile…. If she only knew, how much I want the pain to go away…sometimes. To smile, is to just make the pain go away. For a second.

Note to reader: I don’t write this because I want people to feel sorry for me. That is the last thing I want. I write this because I just want to be open and honest. This is what I struggle with. Pain. I know everyone has their own battles. I am not trying to say: “boo hoo look at me and my problems” or “boo hoo I have bigger problems than you.” I know some people have it worse more than me. I am just writing about what I deal with and what a lot of Aboriginal youth deal with….

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