brain matter

Well, here I am…still in Saskatoon. Woot! I have had a lot of interesting experiences and some that required some major reflection. Also some experiences that required me to just forget about them (at the moment). This program that I am attending out west is really intense. You know when someone tells you something is going to be hard but you are all like, “Naaaaah!” No, this is really hard and intense and … I am certain there is a dirty joke in there somewhere but I can’t think about it at the moment. To describe this program in a few words is like a “make or break you.” But there are tons of supports in place to ensure you don’t break too! It is sometimes a little overwhelming (in a good way). Nevertheless, I am very grateful to be out here.

Last week (I think–it might have been this week–all the weeks just blend together), there was a former student that presented and he mentioned something that really resonated with me. I am constantly feeling like I have no idea what the fuck I am doing. I used to say that I had no idea what I was doing in undergrad but literally, I have no idea what I am doing. But anyway this presenter continued and mentioned that sometimes you will experience this. He then continued to say that what got him through those times was knowing his capability to problem solve. So obvious, right? Maybe.

This law school thing definitely requires a different style of thinking. I am used of thinking of the big picture and seeing how systems are connected and inform each other (systems like the criminal justice system). I am trying to think of ways to reframe that style of thinking to fit this new style of thinking. But I am so used of looking at the bigger picture that I sometimes miss the details (and sometimes that isn’t good). Whatever I learned in undergrad I just need to forget (or at least put on the side). Then I remember that when I first went into undergrad, whatever I learned in college, I needed to just forget. Then I remember feeling like, “Crap! I have no idea what the hell I am doing!” So, it’s like all those experiences over again but magnify them 200x. Yeah, that is what this is like–this law school thing.

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