I have been single for 2 years. In that two years, I have met some great people, and not so great people. Gone on some great dates and some not-so-great dates.
I have met some people who say to me: Why are you single? You’re such a great girl. And I have met some people who resort to calling me names when I say “No thanks, I am not interested in dating you…” Sorry, but you can’t win them all right?
Then one day, at school, I had a conversation with a Native guy. He was being his inquisitive self and I was being my talkative self. He then asked me a question, which I cannot remember precisely… but I asked him why he was asking me that. He proceeded to say, “I like to find out how “Indian” someone is.” I was kind of shocked. I then proceeded to say to him, “You know I never dated a Native guy before…” And it is true, I never have dated a Native guy before. In fact, my first relationship was with a white guy. And my second, and my third… I haven’t even gone on a “date” with a Native guy.
There are some great Native guys out there. In fact, race or ethnic background isn’t even one of the requirements for me to date someone. I don’t even have “requirements” or a “checklist.” I believe that you know someone is “right” for you, when they are strong enough to be there for you through the good and the bad times. Yet, whenever I think about having a relationship with a Native guy, there always lies that thought or question in the back of my head: Am I “Indian” enough for him?
I don’t know much about my culture. Well, I know what I was taught, and that is different from what someone else was taught. I don’t live at home, and I see my family when I can. Family is a big thing in Native culture. It’s not that I don’t love my family. I do love them and I love them a lot.
So as I sit here in my search to find that someone special, I begin to think: Why am I single? Am I too picky? Am I too busy? Or, maybe it is because I actually am I too “bitchy”… (Bitchy being: saying what is on my mind, standing up for what I believe is right)
Sometimes I practice my culture, sometimes I don’t. For some, it’s not enough. For some, it’s too much.
I remember having breakfast with one Native guy and during that time he said to me, “I come from a long-line of chiefs.” I didn’t know if this was a joke or if he was serious. Am I supposed to be the same, and come from a “long line of chiefs”? I don’t even know my grandparents (but that is because all but one passed away before I was born).
Then in a conversation with my mom about what I should speak about during an event in June, I told my mom what I thought about myself, event aside: I may never be “Indian” enough for a Native guy, and I may never be “good” enough for a non-Native guy.
But then I begin to think to myself, am I even ready for a relationship? I am busy with school, volunteering and working. I love all three of those things. Do I have enough room for anything else? Then I remember what an old friend said to me last year when we were discussing her relationships and my single life, “You might be alone the rest of your life.” My reply to her statement, “I am okay with that.” And you know what, I am okay with that. I have enough love from my family, and great friends who are supportive in everything that I do that if I don’t find that special someone… it’s okay.
It is not the end of the world that I am single, and it is not the end of the world that I am not “Indian” enough…
I've had similar thoughts… but this message always keeps coming to me, "make room for love" But then again, that can be any kind of love, right? 🙂
BOTH! Make room for love, because it comes when you least expect it… and any kind of love…most definitely 🙂 Thanks for reading!