There is something strange about this word. Rape. I never used it before. Not even after the first time. Yes, that is right. It happened more than once.

I have a hard time saying the word. Even when I just talk about it. Even when I write about it right now, I have a hard time saying it. Can’t you count how many times I used the word “it” instead of the word “rape.”

It makes me feel uncomfortable talking about it. In any setting. A personal setting. In a classroom setting like it was brought up for discussion a few times this past school year. I worry what people might think of me when I say “I was raped.” Things like, will they think I am a slut? Will they think I am easy? Will they think I am dirty? Things that I shouldn’t even have to think about.

But you know what, when a female gets raped today some have gone so far as to blame the female. They say things like “She asked for it because she dressed like a slut” or “She was easy anyways. She is probably lying” even “She is dirty, slutty AND easy, what do you expect?” You would think that I might be the one scared to be raped again, but I am not. Fortunately, I have built up a good support network today. A positive, loving support network.

Unfortunately, I am more scared of what people might say about me or how people might think of me as a person–not just a female, but a person. And that is what should be on anyone’s mind when it comes to survivors of rape: Why are we still blaming the victim?