Depression

People Don’t Listen Enough

Listening in on TEDxUWO live stream today, I was able to listen to Chris Bentley speak on some of the issues facing First Nations today in Canada.

I was very happy that he was able to speak about this, yet disappointed to read some of the comments coming in under the livestream feed. One comment had said:

We are still blaming residential school policies? That was years ago.

What some people don’t understand is that the problems that were created because of Residential schools, are inter-generational. What does that mean? That means they are passed down from one generation to the next. What does this mean for young people? They have nobody telling them, what is happening to you, is not your fault.

Just recently, I started to get help for some of the things that I experienced in my life. Some of these things made me angry for a long time. I didn’t know how to handle this anger and I didn’t know why I was angry. I remember one of the things my mom told me growing up was, “Depression is unresolved anger.”

The first time I tried to commit suicide, I remember the doctor asking, “What’s wrong? What happened?” I told him, “I am angry. I don’t know what to do.” I know one thing for sure is that I never really wanted to actually die, I just wanted to escape my pain. I was angry because I was hurt, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.

This doctor didn’t listen to me. He just said, “You can’t be angry. People who are angry, don’t do what you did. You must be sad.”

I was even more angry. I couldn’t channel this anger anywhere but further inside me. I was angry because nobody was listening to me. Everyone around me kept telling me what was wrong with me, how I should be feeling, and what I was thinking. I just wished the people I was talking to actually listened to what I was saying.

I believe that people don’t listen enough. Everyone keeps talking about what needs to be done, what has to happen, but nobody listens to the people that they want to help. If you want real change to happen: Listen to what those people are saying. If you want to really help someone today, listen to what they are telling you. There can be a lot more done when you listen. Wanting to be part of change, involves listening to those you want to help.

Creator

In my life, there have been many ups and downs.
I have been taken advantage of, lied to, beaten, spit on, called names, tripped, used, and raped.
What continues to amaze me everyday is that I still manage to wake up,
Even after I prayed to the Creator to take me away.
I know that the Creator has bigger plans for me!
I know that sometimes waking up is hard to do.
I know that sometimes getting out of bed and having a shower is the hardest task in the world.
That is depression in a sentence.
I know that it is the moment I get out of bed,
that I am going to have to complete the day.
I can’t come back to my bed until I complete my tasks for the day,
even if it is just to have a shower, eat breakfast, and go for a walk.
It is literally the one moment where I think to myself,
“You have come to far to throw it all away” that saves me from…
Me
I am trying to believe in the Creator again.
I used to believe the Creator meant nothing.
I used to believe He just created everything and just let it be.
I now believe that He gave us this wonderful thing called life to learn from and to grow from.
We must learn and grow to pass on beliefs and values to our young ones.
It is the young ones that will see the change we are working for today.
We must realize the power we have to change and the power to influence the future generations.
We have power.
We have power.
We have power.
We have power.
When we becomes me, we have nothing.
Share your knowledge,
Share your experiences,
Share your space, and share your lessons learned.
This is power.
The Creator gave us life.
We give ourselves the power to continue to live.
That is what living really is.